How far can we fall?

The impact of social media in MY life...Social media affects most of our lives everyday, but in some cases, I can speak from personal experience, social networking can change our lives or in my case save it...

I recently spent some time in a very not nice place...

After attempting suicide I was moved to an emergency room where they assessed my medical condition. I was placed an a room with a large metal door, like a vault, with no handle on the inside. A doctor took my blood and urine samples which they later checked for drugs or alcohol.

 Then a therapist questioned me for an hour. In that moment she held in her hands the power to hold me in a padded cell for the rest of my life.   

Then, they suddenly released me at two o'clock in the morning.

If you don't think that this was a traumatic experience for your first week at college...then I don't blame you. You've obviously never had a liter of blood drained from your body and you've obviously never spent your night in a cold empty room with a door thick as a bank vault. 

Through out the whole experience, me being an intelligent person, or so people tell me, I quickly rid my composure of any suicidal tendencies while under the immediate care of the hospital...i didn't want to spend the rest of my life in a padded cell. So the overall hospital experience really did not rid me of my suicidal thoughts, it only amplified them like a megaphone in my brain.

The next day, when finally out of the hospital, my college had me under constant supervision. Suddenly they escorted me to the main office where I was told that I would have to leave the college on a "Medical Leave" ...I prefer to say that the college kicked me out, it helps me maintain my arrogant and self obsessive nature. So that night I was flown out of there.

In some ways it felt good to be free of the shackles of a educational environment. I now have definitely more time to think over my present predicament. A conclusion that I can most definitely come to is that I'm not fully free of my suicidal thoughts or my major depressive disorder. I prefer to keep all my thoughts and emotions to myself and remain "Calm as a Cucumber" but recently, I let it all out on Facebook, thus the connection with social networking. 

A midst a psychological rant with myself I was interrupted by a barrage of friends and family who were quick to express their love for me and their hopes for my future. 

It's not the first time that Facebook has saved my life, considering that the night I tried to kill myself I was stopped by a message from my girlfriend...I jumped out in front of a speeding car when my phone buzzed causing a spasm in my leg, and I'm still not sure how, but some how I found myself back on the sidewalk unharmed and holding my cellphone in my hands looking down at the glowing letters: I love you.

I think it's safe to say that social networking has indeed changed my life...but I'll let you decide whether or not that statement is true. 

I know that people will yell at me for releasing all this information online, I know my dad will say that I should try and keep this all quiet in hopes of not destroying my reputation as a human being in the eyes of others. But personally, I've really experienced enough trauma and pain...enough it boils over and spills out whether or not I want it to. Besides I'm sure family and friends have some ideas and rumors of what has happened, so I figured I'd set the record straight. 

I'm still recovering from the fact that I had indeed tried to kill myself, and I'm still struggling with major depressive disorders, and withdrawal. But the difference is that now I have hope. Hope for a future life free of depression and suicidal thoughts...